a break from the norm (and a return from the silence)

first of all, here is a picture of the second worst sunburn i have ever had, to date:

that white strip is where my bathing suit bottoms were. my flesh, it is crispy! the first worst one covered more surface area, hence why it was worse. at least with this one, the damage is isolated.

second, the point of this post:

so part of the reason i haven't been writing here is because this was a fun place for me to write about my sexcapades, and i have been pretty low on sexcapades lately. well, that's not 100% true, but that's a story for another time. the reason i haven't been doin' it is because i have no one to do it with, causing my longest dry spell in a year. this sucks.

the reason for this dry spell is i fancy a dude who MAY or MAY NOT fancy me back. this situation is tricky as fuck, and the reason i'm posting tonight.

when i first met mr., i was "dating" this other kid who doesn't matter. mr. played a show at my school, in a band my best friend is also in. best friend informed me that mr. thought i was hot, and mr. friended me on facebook later that night. i didn't think much of it because of the boyfriend.

when it became apparent that the boyfriend and i were not going to work out, i was discussing this with best friend, who told me to date mr., because mr. thought i was hot and "___ would date the shit out of you!" i pondered this, and mr. did seem right up my alley, "type" and all. the more i learned about mr., through best friend and my own experience talking to him at shows, etc, the more right he seemed to be for me, and the more he seemed interested in me.

he would "like" my facebook statuses a LOT, a noticeable amount. he even liked a status of mine about wanting my own prince, lovey lyrics, and a formspring answer i posted saying my favourite winter activity was snuggling. i took to facebook chatting him sometimes, just to get to know him a bit more and make fun of a person we mutually disliked. he called me witty; i glowed for days.

this carried on for a while. eventually i gave him my number when i was home on a break, telling him to text me. he never did, and best friend just said that mr. was forgetful and kind of ditzy, and he probably didn't dislike me. i sighed and believed best friend. when i got back to school, mr. facebook chatted me (a first) to tell me he was sorry we never got to hang out, and wished we had. then he facebook chatted me a couple more times over the next month to discuss world news, and how we needed to hang out. we also hung out and talked (sometimes flirted) a lot at shows, and he'd always e-thank me via facebook or twitter for coming out afterward.

we ended up at a party together, and he didn't seem to mind me drunkenly chatting him up for ages. he even had a perfect out to escape me and he invited me to go along with him when it happened. then, stupid drunk me, i blew him a kiss as he was leaving.

fast-forward to finals week. mr. gets drunk, facebook chats me to say "hey, i like ya." then he gives me his number, and says "hang out this summer?!" he also teases me about how i "totally blew him a kiss", and i blush. i agree to hanging out, and my roommates all yelp & screech a lot about how he definitely likes me. i roll my eyes and refuse to believe it.

i get home for break, and that very night hang out with a mutual friend of mr. and i, and we ended up at mr.'s house. this was the first time i'd ever been to mr.'s house, and i stayed with mutual friend for quite a while, til 2 am. mutual friend brings me home, and in the timespan it took for me to walk through two rooms of my house, mr. has texted me to say "good to see ya," and then he called me babycakes. i go to sleep mystified.

we continue to text back & forth, and also occasionally facebook chat. when sober, he dodges questions about when we'll hang out, but agrees to vague mentions of "we need to hang out." when drunk, he texts me & calls me "hot face," "pretty eyes," "cutes," and will send me a "hey!" text if i don't answer. he got drunk a few nights ago and facebook chatted me for at least two hours, and then just sent me some lyrics out of the blue. i said "new song?" and he said "mmhmm" and then sent me the rest of the lyrics to the song. i gave my approval, and he was quiet for a bit.

then my phone buzzes. he'd recorded the song on his phone, and sent it to mine. the song could be construed as about me. i didn't ask if it was, just let it go and said i liked it. then i got off facebook chat, and he texted me to ask me to get back on fb, because his phone was about to die.

just now, i texted him and said "hang tonight?" he told me he can't because he's pregnant.

what the fuck. i'm staving off one night stands for this?

A Dilemma.

As we all have noticed, from the various stories posted here, etc etc, I love sex. Love love love sex. I love my vagina, I love my vulva, I love other girl's vaginas & vulvas & ladygardens and whatever you want to call them, I love dicks and balls.

I love sex so much that my most sexually active ex and I would literally have sex, get all sweaty, finish, go in the bathroom, have more sex, get in the shower, have MORE sex, and then be done and sit around for a few hours before having sex again.

My second most sexually active ex and I would have sex so hard that we'd have to take two-day breaks so Cunt Dracula could recover. No joke. Sometimes it hurt to wipe.

I've had sex in the backseats of five cars, in several different beds, on the hall floor because we were too impatient to GET to a bed, in a closet in my high school, on a picnic table outside, on three different couches, in the shower, in the woods, on countertops, in a sink, in a lake, during a fire drill, all over the place. I even almost had sex in a cemetery once.

Even when I'm not naked, I'm a very sexual person. I've got my hood pierced, I like to comment on the way my boobs look on a given day, I've got my hands down my pants more often than a five-year-old boy, I watch more porn than most of the boys I know, I can be frequently found checking up on sex-related blogs. I brag about my bj skills often, my favourite store is Spencer's, and I review sex toys to boot. I take great pleasure in being a huge tease, even though I only tease the people I'm about to bone.

So all of this, and one night I was planning to go to A Boy's house to stay over. Obviously sex was on the agenda. He's rather shy, but he'd been drinking, so it was all going to work out for me. He gets up the nerve to start making out with me, and he's a terrible kisser. I mean terrible. I've been kissed by all kinds. And this boy takes the cake as the worst.

I decide I can deal with this, whatever, he's cute, he's VERY into me, and he has a sexy way of doing things, so I carry on with the terrible kissing. We get into the bed, more kissing ensues. Because I was sleeping over, I'd flung my lacy black Victoria's Secret bra on the floor, and am wearing a thong and a low cut t-shirt. He's fluttering his hands around by my hips, and I take the lead, as I so often find myself doing, and put his hand on my boob. It becomes apparent pretty quick that he doesn't quite know what he wants to do with that, so I help him again and put it under my shirt.

He starts this odd juggling-type thing, where he gently (we're talking barely-there-lightly) strokes one breast, then goes to the other, then back. I roll my eyes internally but let him go on with it. Eventually he gets bored, and he starts to drift his hand down.

Then he surprised me by doing a completely sexy twisty-arm thing, where he wrapped his arm around my upper thigh, and butterfly-lightly touched me outside of my underwear, and just sort of hung out with his hand teasingly between my legs. I was half on top of him because I'd needed to take control, and it worked out nicely like that.

He gets me on my back and puts his hand in my underwear. Then he becomes confused by the barbell through my hood, and I have to direct him to the warm, fleshy ball that is my real clit. Shortly after that, I have to move his hand down a tiny bit to the actual opening, and he puts a finger in. He's competent, so it's not great, just good. I'm starting to get an inkling, so I ask him if he's done this before, right? He confirms, and I let him go for a bit.

After I have to suggest he try a couple other things twice, I switch gears and put a hand down his pants. He's hung. I smile an evil grin to myself, and get him going, playing one of my favourite little games, where I copy what he does to me. Then I ask him if he'd think I was slutty if I wanted to have sex with him then.

"Well, I might be scared."

"Scared?"

"Yeah, because I've...never done it before. Maybe later?"

I was so, so grateful it was dark, because my face must've been a picture. Worst fears confirmed: he is a virgin. I'm mentally facepalming now, thinking "Fantastic, so now not only do I have to teach him to kiss, to finger, probably to eat me out, I've ALSO got to teach him to fuck. Super. Just fucking peachy." I did my best in the situation, though, and finished him off and went to sleep.

We made out a few nights later and he seemed to have improved, not trying to shove his tongue down my throat anymore. Quick learner?

So, my dear beloved readers, what would you do? What should I do? Should I give this quirky, fun, cute boy a chance even though he's terribly shy and I'd have to teach him everything? Or should I go back to the (admittedly vanilla) safe bet?

Apparently I Do Sex Toys Now.

So as you can see from the post below, I've decided to start reviewing sex toys. Edenfantasys has this wonderful thing where after you've reviewed two, if you can write, they'll send you toys FOR FREE and you have to review them.

New goal in life: set.

That pearlized vibe was my first vibe ever. It was good, for the price. Sorry if I'm being redundant, but honestly that's all you can say about a $9.99 bullet vibe from Spencer's.

So, given that I'm now in the market for two new toys, I've been searching around Edenfantasys.

I'm interested in this one, first because it's called Jenna's, which brings Jenna Jameson to mind, and secondly, because it seems to be a quiet, straight to the point vibe. Not to mention, I am a poor college student, and it's $15.99.

Honestly, if I somehow manage to land this job of magical sex toy reviewer, I'm gonna be terrified if/when a Rabbit shows up in my mailbox. I'm sure that such a device will be life-changing. Either I'll never leave my room again, or I'll be scared off sex toys for life.

No matter what happens, expect stories of my sexcapades here anyway.

My Review of Pearlized Vibe

Originally submitted at Spencer's

The perfect item for you pleasure, the Pearlized Vibe has a smooth, glossy sheen and comes in three colors for you to choose from. It is water resistant and runs on AA batteries.

Pearlized Vibe

For the price, it's good

By ruby soho from oakland, CA on 2/22/2010

 

3out of 5

Gift: Yes

Pros: Easy To Clean, Increases Pleasure, Good for partner play, Discreet, Adjustable Vibration, Easy To Use

Cons: Lacks Power, Not Effective, Pearl color rubs off, Short Battery Life

Best Uses: With a Partner, Self Pleasure, Clitoral Stimulation, Travel

Describe Yourself: Brand Buyer

I used the product with my boyfriend, and it terrified me when the color wore off. I thought it was going to poison my vagina or something. It was definitely best used with a partner for external stimulation. I couldn't really feel it inside of me, either. It was fairly quiet though.

(legalese)

Has-Been Whore

Before I went to college, I used to do a lot of webcam show-type shit, and now it is coming back to haunt me.

Whenever people bring up shit about "don't put that on Facebook, your future employers can hack it" I always brush it off because I don't drink that much, and the only times I do, I'm the one with pictures, and those are usually of everyone else. And they don't go on Facebook, they stay safely in my iPhoto. But I never think about all the nakey pics.

I used to have absolutely no problem diddling myself or prancing around topless on cam. I also used to send a lot of naughty pictures because it made me feel sexy to do what guys asked for. When I realized that was stupid, I deleted all the pictures off my computer (except the blackmail ones of my ex's junk and penguin jammies) and assumed the past was past. Except obviously, it wasn't.

It partly worries me because technically those screen grabs and emailed pictures of my cute butt in seasonal thongs are kiddie porn. I was 17 when I did a lot of that shit, and I either lied about my age or the guys asking knew full well and didn't care. I'm not sure the legal end of it, if it's just the guys who'd get in trouble or me, too. It still doesn't sit well.

Then there's the fact that those are pictures of me. I took them on purpose, sober as a judge. I wonder where my judgement goes on some days. It also makes me feel shitty that such a short time ago, my self-worth depended on guys thinking I was sexy, no matter what it took. And of course I feel awful for any guy who dates me afterward, thinking he can count on one hand the number of people who've seen me naked before he has.

People I don't even remember ever doing that shit for (read: because I mentally blocked it) remind me every now and then and each time, I'm completely floored. It's happened too often for me to be comfortable with. Sometimes they tell me the pictures are saved on their computer, or screenshots of camwhoring, and that just makes me feel skeevy. Then, after I've been reminded of my past life as a baby camwhore, I'm suddenly scarily too aware that my ex has/had mobile phone pictures of me naked.

I don't want to be defined by those pictures, or labelled a slut because I took them, or allowed them to be taken. I don't want my poor boyfriend, who was seriously hurt that I almost auditioned for a strip club, to know or have any idea that I used to show anyone who asked all the things he considers just his. I know I shouldn't have regrets about my past, but that's my biggest.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned in my feminism, but that sort of shit just isn't empowering. In any way. And perhaps it's half men's faults, for things like that being able to trap me. Yes, it isn't okay that I'd be judged by my boyfriend and the rest of society if anyone but me and the guys I camwhored for knew about it. Yes, it isn't okay for one scandal or bad decision to derail someone's respectability and life. But ultimately, I was the one to decide to take them, or to say yes to being on cam when I knew what was expected of me. And so I guess I'll have to sleep in the bed I made.

Textually Active

moi: ps. i am listening to Bob Dylan. is that better?

him: yes. =) have you met the man with the coonskin cap in a pig pen who wants 11 dollar bills and u only got 10?

moi: nah, i was in the basement mixing the medicine.

him: haha very good. i thought johnny was doing that? arent you on the pavement thinkin bout the government? =)

moi: nah. i was making out with johnny and then he made me do that for him

him: im gonna kick johnnys ass

I love my boyfriend.

Sucking Dick at Sucking Dick

I've always been told I'm really good at giving head. Not trying to brag here, just repeating what I've heard. So when my recent boyf told me he didn't like blowjobs, I became immediately alarmed. There goes my greatest power.

Of course, being me, I decided to change his mind. After begging him during our first sexcapade to let me do the deed (this boy is truly one of a kind), he realized that his former fuck buddy was just really bad at giving head, and so it wasn't the act of oral sex he hated, but the way she did it. Cool by me.

The next few times I went down on him, it all went rather well. I tend to have a churny stomach when going down on boys (I do a special deepthroating trick that involves me having to use my gag reflex in a way God most certainly did not intend), so I didn't swallow for him the first few times. But one night, he was feeling extra horny and I was on my period, so I thought I'd treat him.

The first time I swallow for a new boy (always a boyfriend.), I like to trick him into thinking that I'm not going to, getting the tissues ready, asking him to tell me when, etc, so that when I finally do swallow, it's a pleasant surprise. However, this boy is a gentleman, and thus he attempted to warn me several times when I didn't get off his junk to catch it in a tissue. This resulted in me coming up to yell something along the lines of "SHUT UP I'M GONNA SWALLOW" and my boy jizzing everywhere. Awesome.

Naturally, after this disaster, I waited a bit before attempting to even blow him again. When I finally did, I wanted to prove to him I can, in fact, swallow (I'd been bragging and had just fucked my game up). I pulled out all the stops on the act itself, and when it was showtime, I clamped my mouth down on the base and went for it.

It was absolutely flawless, the best I'd ever swallowed. I didn't even taste a drop. Until, of course, I underestimated exactly how much baby batter this kid had in him (he doesn't jack off, so it all just sits there. I am completely not used to this.). So, I choked on the large amount of man juice in my throat, and spit all over his balls. If ever there was a time for a CockBib... He later told me his thighs were wet, and everything else.

Apparently I have no right to brag after al.